


h | healthy

by JJHomes043



Series: NCT a–z [8]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bathing/Washing, Bathtubs, Crying, Fluff, Happy Ending, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Sharing a Bed, Sickfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-17
Updated: 2018-11-17
Packaged: 2019-08-24 17:50:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16644950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JJHomes043/pseuds/JJHomes043
Summary: healthy/ˈhɛlθi/adjectivein a good physical or mental condition; in good health."I feel fit and healthy"–or jaemin isnt physically or mentally healthy, but his boyfriends help him through it





	h | healthy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Demi_dings](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Demi_dings/gifts).



> hiii this work all stemmed from the suggested from Demi_dings so thank you for the idea. im not entirely sure if you wanted it this way but if not i can write something else :)
> 
> (im super tired and wrote this while also working on an official piece for mental illness so i think thats why i stuck with the theme)

healthy  
/ˈhɛlθi/  
adjective

in a good physical or mental condition; in good health.  
_"I feel fit and healthy"_

~

His head was pounding and his hair was dripping with sweat. The music slowed to a stop and Jaemin knew he should follow its lead. But he had to keep going. He had to nail this last movement, it had to be perfect, not even off by a millimeter. 

The others had been getting better, Chenle practicing in his spare time with Jisung, Mark and Donghyuck practicing with the elders. Doyoung had asked Jeno to help him with something and all of a sudden they were practicing all the time. And Renjun practiced ballet, giving him an advantage.

Jaemin had been limited with his practice time after being deemed unable to by the doctor after a recent blood test. They discovered his iron levels were too low and he needed more rest and iron pills. It didn't affect him at first, he was enjoying the time alone but then everyone was better than him at dancing. 

After a couple jokes calling him ‘defective’ because of his anemia, he decided he wasn't taking his pills. If he doesn't take them, it doesn't deem him defective. He'd been flushing them down the toilet at every meal. 

He'd been watching fan videos, noticing they picked up on his lacking. One was stuck in his mind, tainting every thought; ‘why is he even still here if he sucks at dancing? he's also the ugliest and fattest one there, sorry but no lie,’ followed by some shrug and throwing up emojis. 

They got to him, they made him think. Is he too fat? Is he ugly? He knew the company included plastic surgery in the contract, so if Jaemin wanted to he could have something done. 

He stared at himself in the mirror, imagining he could change himself. If only he was smaller, petite like Renjun. Or handsome, stunning like Jeno. His boyfriends were what other people wanted him to be. 

Something snapped in his mind and he walked over to press play on the song again. His legs and arms and hips and back complained as he pushed himself. But if it made him pretty, maybe it was worth it. 

—

Jaemin woke up on the couch. He could hear voices in the kitchen, loud and welcoming. His body locked and cracked as he stood up, as if telling him to sit down, take a break. He couldn't. 4 hours of sleep is okay, he could nap in between. 

“Hey, guys,” his voice was scratchy and his throat burned from not drinking enough. Everyone stopped to stare at him. It was unsettling.

“Hey, Jae,” Donghyuck sounded hesitant, as if he was scared of Jaemin. He placed a plate of fruit and pancakes in front of him. “Eat up.”

“I'm not hungry,” I'm trying to lose weight. He pushed the plate to the side. He hadn't ate in around 16 hours, something he was proud of. Progress, he insisted. 

“You've been looking really pale, Jae,” Chenle spoke this time. He placed a blueberry in his mouth and Jaemin watched him eat it. “Are you taking your iron tablets?”

Jaemin felt his chest burn. Tablets. The thing that made them call him defective. “Yes,” he lied easily, “three times a day. I'm okay guys.” He forced a smile. “When's practice today?”

Mark shared a look with Renjun. “You aren't coming today, it's a rerun of all the old stuff, to make sure we remember. You weren't here for some of them so Taeyong said you're to take a rest day. Plus, uh,” Mark looked around for help, “you've become really skinny and we're worried about you.”

“Guys,” Jaemin stood up, chair scraping against the floor. “I'm completely fine. Why can't I come? I'll just watch, I don't want to be excluded, because that seems to happen a lot lately. Everyone is doing stuff in pairs and I guess I'm the odd one out. Enjoy practice, I'm going out.”

Jaemin ignored the shouts they directed after him. He stormed into his, Renjun and Jeno’s room. With a heavy chest and teeth grinding, Jaemin slipped a hoodie and a mask on. He raced towards the door and made sure to slam it behind him. 

He headed straight to the little cafe a few streets down. It was quiet and the woman who owned it adored him. A bell chimed above his head as he entered. It was empty, apart from the owner standing behind the counter. 

“Ah, Minnie! How are you? Would you like something new today?” The lady buzzed around the counter, pushing Jaemin into a seat. “Take that face mask off. If you're cold I'll put the heating on.”

“Thank you, noona,” he pulled his mask down and allowed her to inspect his face. 

“Oh,” she touched his cheekbone gently. “You're very skinny, Jaemin-ah. Is that company treating you right? You need to stay healthy. I'll get you some tea and cakes.”

She rushed away and Jaemin sighed. He loved her, but she was too observant. He pulled out his phone. 3 missed calls and 9 texts from Jeno and 1 missed call and 17 texts from Renjun. Jaemin messaged the groupchat with the three of them, informing them he was safe. 

“Here you go. Drink up, boy. Please eat everything, all handmade just for you,” she laid it neatly out in front of him, a pot of tea and 2 plates full of treats. 

“How did you make this so fast?” Jaemin asked as he poured himself a cup of tea.

“I had a feeling you'd come. Have I ever told you that I'm psychic, Minnie? Could sense you were having a bad day,” she plucked a jelly bean from the plate and smiled widely at the boy. “I can tell something is wrong. You're losing weight and not looking well. Care to tell me?”

“I,” could he really tell her? Would she laugh at him? No. He trusted her. “I stopped taking my iron tablets and have been working out more. No big deal.” A half truth, Jaemin supposed. 

She tutted. “You can tell me whenever you're ready. However, let's talk about something else, how are those little friends of yours?”

Jaemin allowed himself to be drawn into the conversation.

—

He turned the music up louder and started it again. He was working on stuff he'd missed, old stuff. He wanted to take part with the rest of them. He caught sight of himself in the mirror and froze. He did looked unwell. 

His eyes and cheeks were sunken in, cheekbones sticking out at an odd angle. He lifted up his tank top to examine his chest. His fingers ghosted over his ribs, traveling down to his stomach. Turning to the side revealed how flat his stomach was. 

Again; progress. 

He let go of his shirt and picked up his phone. He made a finger heart and smiled before taking a picture. He examined it before posting it to the Dream instagram. 

‘Getting in some extra practice! ❤️” he captioned it. 

He smiled and switched his phone off. The music was playing, bass vibrating against his legs. They popped as he stood up, knees wobbling. He lost his balance and stumbled before tumbling to the ground. 

Out of instincts, his hands came around to catch him. He heard a loud snap and pain began to bloom from his wrist. He stared down at it, watching the skin turn red and then purple.

Tears pricking his eyes, he pulled his lower lip into his mouth to hold back the whimpers. A sob slipped past his lips and he let it all out. The sound bounced against the walls, echoing back to him. 

He let every insecurity, every bad thought, everything that was eating away at him, fall into the open. His head fell into his hands and he tugged on his hair, as if willing it to all stop, to all be over with. The more he thought the harder he cried. 

He didn't hear the door open as he pulled his tank top off to hold it to his eyes and dab the tears off. A pair of arms were wrapped around his waist and he was pulled into someone's lap. 

“Shh, it's okay baby,” Jaemin immediately recognised the voice as Jeno and ended up sobbing harder. He curled into his boyfriend's chest and allowed him to be picked up. 

Jeno grabbed his phone off the floor and turned the light and music off. Jaemin tried to muffle his crying into his shirt. “God, Jae. It's 11:50, we were waiting for you.”

“I'm sorry,” he whispered. His sobs had turned into gasps which turned into whimpers. “I didn't know. I-I want it to stop, Jeno.”

Jaemin could see the tears brimming Jeno’s eyes and he reached up to wipe them away. Jeno pulled him closer. “Don't apologise. It's gonna be okay, I promise. Let's get you home and bathed.”

—

Jeno sat at the back of the bathtub, Jaemin against his chest and Renjun against his. They sat in silence, Jeno lathering bubbles up in the youngest’s hair. 

“Minnie,” Renjun started, he sounded tired and worn out. Jaemin wrapped his arms around him and pulled him closer. “You know we have to talk about this.”

“But I don't want to,” he pouted, he could feel his chest bubble with anxiety. Jeno moved his hands to his neck, gently massaging it. 

“Please just give us a rundown, something to work with. We're worried and you keep shrugging us off like it's nothing and it's obviously something. You've gotten really pale and skinny,” Jeno loosely held his wrist, “look how small your wrists are.”

“I,” Jaemin took a deep breath. He could do this. It's hurting them as much as him. “I stopped taking my iron tablets. I've also stopped eating as much because I was reading comments and I want to be small and skinny like Renjun but I want to be strong like you and I'm not, I'm a weird in between and even the fans notice it.

“And I want to be able to do the practices that you can, I want to learn the dances that I missed because you all promised that I could but instead the doctor said I'm not allowed because of the stupid tablets.”

It became silent again, apart from the calming sound of water swaying back and forth. Renjun turned around so he could look at Jaemin. “Why did you stop your tablets?”

“Because everyone was calling me dysfunctional and defective because I was taking them. If I stop taking them then I'm not relying on them,” Jaemin diverted his eyes, instead staring at Jeno’s foot that was resting by his thigh. “It makes sense in my head.”

“Jaemin, look at me,” Renjun tilted his head so Jaemin was looking at him. “Don't care about what the fans say, I know it's easier said than done but we love you just the way you are and you don't need to change for anyone. Your tablets are helping you get better, you can join more dances then.”

“You need to love yourself before putting yourself out there. Take a break, get better mentally. We'll stay with you, no more leaving you for practicing. We'll lay in bed with you and feed you up,” Jeno hooked his chin onto Jaemin’s shoulder. 

The latter closed his eyes and enjoyed the feeling of his boyfriends being so closer. He smiled at them. “I'm sorry. I should've spoken to you guys. I fell an hour ago and I just couldn't stop crying, and then I thought about everything and it made me even more upset.”

Renjun scanned his body until he noticed the bruise on his wrist. He brought it to his lips and placed a kiss to it. “You're so special and precious, Jaemin. Don't ever think you aren't.”

Renjun leaned in and placed a chaste peck on his lips. Jaemin beamed at him, glad they weren't mad. “What about me?” Jeno teased, pouting his lips out. Renjun climbed over Jaemin to peck Jeno. Jeno turned his head to Jaemin, “now you.”

Jaemin happily turned his and let Jeno do the same. Renjun smiled at them softly until he grimaced and stood up. “It's too cold now, come on.”

Jeno pulled Jaemin up and Renjun stood with a towel, ready to dry him off. He ruffled his hair with it, causing Jaemin to laugh and lean into the touch. A towel was wrapped around his shoulders by Jeno. He sat on the closed toilet, watching his boyfriends wrap themselves up. 

They each took one of Jaemin’s hands and they shuffled to their room. Renjun broke off to grab them a pair of boxers each. He handed them out before climbing into bed. 

“Jaemin, you're in the middle tonight,” he mumbled as he snuggled deeper into the blankets. They'd pushed the two bed together to make it easier for them all to fit. 

When they were all settled with the lights off, Jeno stroked the younger’s hair and whispered, “you kept coming back late and just sleeping in the living room. It's good to have you back. Goodnight guys, I love you.”

“I love you too,” Renjun and Jaemin said in unison. Jaemin settle into one of his boyfriends while pulling the other closer. 

—6 months later—

“That's all. The blood test shows that your iron levels are higher than ever. We recommend daily vitamins with iron in them just to keep up on it but the supplements aren't needed anymore,” the doctor glanced at his computer again. “That's it, any questions?”

“No thank you. Thank you for this,” Jaemin was genuine, the doctor didn't know how relieved he was. The doctor nodded and dismissed him. Jaemin was immediately bombarded by questions when he arrived back home. 

“How did it go?”

“Are you okay?”

“Are you dying?”

Jaemin laughed loudly, “no. I'm fine. My iron levels are high again.”

“He's no longer defective!” Donghyuck cheered, the rest following it. Jeno and Renjun shot him a look but Jaemin only nodded and grinned. 

“Exactly. I'm gonna go get the rest of my naps before I'm forced to get up early again,” he joked, slipping away to their room. He knew his boyfriends would follow. 

“Well?” Jeno asked once the door shut behind them. 

“I'm doing great. I don't need those tablets and I put back on the weight I lost. Thank you guys, I don't know what would've happened if you let me continue.”

Renjun choked out a noise and threw himself at Jaemin, Jeno following his lead. Jaemin toppled over onto the bed and returned the hug. 

“I'm so proud, baby. We love you so much,” Jeno placed a kiss on the tip of his nose, Renjun placing one on his forehead. 

“I love both of you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> there we go. please leave some comments and kudos cause i like it ;) plus leave some ideas or a word for my nct a-z series which you should totally check out
> 
> [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/jjhomes043)


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